Thursday
07Jan2010
I have made a very personal decision to leave the LDS Church
Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 1:41PM
I have made a very personal decision to leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I am NOT leaving to go live in sin. I feel utterly peaceful and comfortable in making my decision.
This will be a difficult time for my family, as my husband has not yet made this decision.
I believe a metaphysical force created our universe. We are but a speck in the vast size and scope of our universe. I find it difficult to intellectually and logically believe a metaphysical God who speaks the language of Science and who may have far less of a hand in our everyday interactions than we are courageous enough or comfortable to think about is the SAME God of Bibles and Books of Mormon. That he is the same God who would deny blacks priesthoods or tell US Prophets to not support universal health care or how to run our government. I just don't think he's THAT involved in our day to day interactions, in the scheme and size of the universe. I don't believe that God speaks the language of politics whatsoever.
I believe God to be a bit of a wizard behind a curtain, in a sort of Wizard of Oz philosophy: perhaps he ONLY "is", and he ONLY created and we humans give him far more power than he actually has in our lives.
Perhaps God's gift IS life and love and the ability to reason and reproduce (all amazing in and of themselves). Perhaps there is no magnificent Heaven. Perhaps we have far more control over our lives than we believe we do or are comfortable thinking about.
After asking "why" in regards to church history and getting very conflicting answers I began to realize that I can't really "KNOW" anything. I can have faith. I can believe. I can hope. But I can't KNOW in terms of who and what God really is. I found it odd that the same God who created our amazing universe would need to use seer stones and plates and prophets and translation and polygamy.... I don't think he would. I don't think God speaks in THAT way.
I don't think anyone truly knows and I think ALL man-made religions are simply best guesses.
While I intend to pursue a Christian based philosophy as move forward, I absolutely DO NOT believe the pagan, man-made rituals found in religions are necessary for Heaven (if there is a Heaven) or that freemasonry symbols are the tokens to Heaven or that following each small detail to a tee, or "just" praying about it will suffice.
It's OKAY to seek knowledge and ask questions. I find it odd I would be put down, labeled or discouraged from doing this. Any organization that cannot hold up after doing a little research is, sadly, probably hiding a few things. Church history, which is very conflicting, to say the least, does not match the idea of God I have - the LDS God is more interested in man-made rituals and following rules.
I have an extremely difficult time logically believing the same creator of our amazing, gigantic universe would NOT allow women to take another husband in Heaven (but allow men to take other wives) or that he would command polygamy or damn women for denying it and then later take it away and treat it like it was never a commandment in the first place. That doesn't seem like the same God who speaks a scientific language, in my opinion.
I believe the LDS Church, like many churches, is full of extremely good-hearted people with the best of intentions in relation to what they believe their God wants from them. But I no longer believe this is the "one true church" of Jesus Christ any longer. In fact, if anything, I believe Jesus to be more a philosophy of thought and way of life rather than residing in ANY church organization/institution.
I just don't believe God would want or even need all those man-made things from us or that he's even THAT involved in our lives past the creation of the universe.
It took courage to begin to ask "Why" and begin thinking outside of the box Western religion creates. While that was a bit scary, I feel far more enlightened and comfortable than I have as a member of ANY religious organization.
I would love to continue online interaction with many of you, however, I realize most of my readers are LDS and may view this as a betrayal of sorts. Though I will NOT "bash" your church, I may make some posts about my personal journey as I research theology and read more about science and the origins of our universe, in addition to other day to day random bits about our life. In other words, this will not become an "anti-mormon" blog.
I feel more excitement about this upcoming journey for more knowledge and true peace than I have about anything in a long, long time.
Thank you.
Love Gabby
I am NOT leaving to go live in sin. I feel utterly peaceful and comfortable in making my decision.
This will be a difficult time for my family, as my husband has not yet made this decision.
I believe a metaphysical force created our universe. We are but a speck in the vast size and scope of our universe. I find it difficult to intellectually and logically believe a metaphysical God who speaks the language of Science and who may have far less of a hand in our everyday interactions than we are courageous enough or comfortable to think about is the SAME God of Bibles and Books of Mormon. That he is the same God who would deny blacks priesthoods or tell US Prophets to not support universal health care or how to run our government. I just don't think he's THAT involved in our day to day interactions, in the scheme and size of the universe. I don't believe that God speaks the language of politics whatsoever.
I believe God to be a bit of a wizard behind a curtain, in a sort of Wizard of Oz philosophy: perhaps he ONLY "is", and he ONLY created and we humans give him far more power than he actually has in our lives.
Perhaps God's gift IS life and love and the ability to reason and reproduce (all amazing in and of themselves). Perhaps there is no magnificent Heaven. Perhaps we have far more control over our lives than we believe we do or are comfortable thinking about.
After asking "why" in regards to church history and getting very conflicting answers I began to realize that I can't really "KNOW" anything. I can have faith. I can believe. I can hope. But I can't KNOW in terms of who and what God really is. I found it odd that the same God who created our amazing universe would need to use seer stones and plates and prophets and translation and polygamy.... I don't think he would. I don't think God speaks in THAT way.
I don't think anyone truly knows and I think ALL man-made religions are simply best guesses.
While I intend to pursue a Christian based philosophy as move forward, I absolutely DO NOT believe the pagan, man-made rituals found in religions are necessary for Heaven (if there is a Heaven) or that freemasonry symbols are the tokens to Heaven or that following each small detail to a tee, or "just" praying about it will suffice.
It's OKAY to seek knowledge and ask questions. I find it odd I would be put down, labeled or discouraged from doing this. Any organization that cannot hold up after doing a little research is, sadly, probably hiding a few things. Church history, which is very conflicting, to say the least, does not match the idea of God I have - the LDS God is more interested in man-made rituals and following rules.
I have an extremely difficult time logically believing the same creator of our amazing, gigantic universe would NOT allow women to take another husband in Heaven (but allow men to take other wives) or that he would command polygamy or damn women for denying it and then later take it away and treat it like it was never a commandment in the first place. That doesn't seem like the same God who speaks a scientific language, in my opinion.
I believe the LDS Church, like many churches, is full of extremely good-hearted people with the best of intentions in relation to what they believe their God wants from them. But I no longer believe this is the "one true church" of Jesus Christ any longer. In fact, if anything, I believe Jesus to be more a philosophy of thought and way of life rather than residing in ANY church organization/institution.
I just don't believe God would want or even need all those man-made things from us or that he's even THAT involved in our lives past the creation of the universe.
It took courage to begin to ask "Why" and begin thinking outside of the box Western religion creates. While that was a bit scary, I feel far more enlightened and comfortable than I have as a member of ANY religious organization.
I would love to continue online interaction with many of you, however, I realize most of my readers are LDS and may view this as a betrayal of sorts. Though I will NOT "bash" your church, I may make some posts about my personal journey as I research theology and read more about science and the origins of our universe, in addition to other day to day random bits about our life. In other words, this will not become an "anti-mormon" blog.
I feel more excitement about this upcoming journey for more knowledge and true peace than I have about anything in a long, long time.
Thank you.
Love Gabby
Reader Comments (25)
I admire your courage! I too am a Christian with questions and have had a difficult time finding a church that I can feel truly comfortable in. There are so many man made rules, and, like you I'm not sure if God's interest in us is as intimate as many people believe. I'm still trying to find my way and I wish you the best in your journey!
Cheyenne
I enjoy my association with you on Twitter. You are a delightfiul person. I respect your personal decision to experience religion/spirituality In a way that is most comfortable to you. Our individual agency is our greatest gift as human beings. I wish you peace and joy along your path of discovery:)
.-= Kathryn Skaggs´s last blog ..http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2009/10/thomas-s-monson-tops-list.html" rel="nofollow">Thomas S. Monson Tops List - Slate.com Octogenarians =-.
Gabby,
I've been reading your blog for awhile, just because you have endured so much and never given up hope. You are such an inspiration as a person! I too am a Christian and know that God is love and forgiveness above all other things. While I believe faith alone is enough for salvation, I respect others to make their own choices and enjoy learning about others' beliefs. What you're doing is hard and I think you are incredibly brave to share it so openly. I wish you all the best for the future.
All the best to you on your journey.
.-= A Girl Called Dallan´s last blog ..http://sevenwayssimple.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-spirit.html" rel="nofollow">"Christmas Spirit" =-.
I have a firm testimony of the power of prayer, faith, love, the commandments, blessings, tithing.....
I guess not firm enough.
I just wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed reading your posts even though this is the first time I have commented. I've also read through some of the comments made on other posts (as many as I can stomach) and am saddened by the treatment you have received from fellow members of the church. I consider myself to be fairly liberal in my political views, but I also have a deep love and commitment to the church. I believe that the gospel is broad enough to allow for a large spectrum of political views. Unfortunately, a very vocal segment of church membership disagrees with that.
I am also saddened by your decision to leave. Not because I think you are wrong, or are travelling down a "lesser path", but because we need more people like you in the church. It saddens me that so many like you are driven away by well-intentioned but misguided members who feel that in order to be LDS you must fit within a tidy little box. But I am also encouraged by reading your blog and similar blogs that I have encountered that lead me to believe that there is a growing swell of more liberal-minded members who are making their voices heard.
I wish you all the best in your journey and look forward to reading more of your posts. God Bless!
Thank you, Mike.
I am with you with the belief that the members of our church, including church leaders have made horrid mistakes, errors that cause people to leave.
I believe in God and being Mormon is working for me. It is a deep belief and even after a horrible divorce in which every priesthood leader involved - bishops, stake presidents, etc. treated me horribly, I just couldn't deny it.
I love being your pal and I hope that doesn't change!!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebobbypin/LWCo/~3/XcChlKgF5xo/at-least-he-knows-me-well.html" rel="nofollow">At least he knows me well =-.
I know I sent you a random tweet earlier today and didn't follow up. Sorry — things got crazy, as they always do.
I have struggled with many of the things you brought up, most fervently issues involving women in the church. At some point, after months of emotional torture, something clicked and I felt at peace. I don't pretend to understand or agree with many things the church does, but I am content. Maybe that's not enough forever. But for now, like Natalie says (hi Natalie!), being Mormon works for me. I'm also so grateful to have been raised by parents who encouraged questions and criticism of everything, including the church. Too many who are raised in the church aren't allowed that freedom.
Like Mike, I'm sad you're leaving because we DO need people like you. Your theological and doctrinal disagreements are one part of this. But I hope no part of this decision came because you felt you didn't belong due to your way of thought and political beliefs (when they intersect with the church). I firmly believe the church should be — but does not act as — a big, inclusive tent. I've very much enjoyed your blog and getting to know you a bit online because of your intelligence and openness to all ideas. I wish there were more people like you in the church. I believe we're out there — but we're all a bit too quiet.
No matter what, I don't feel "betrayed" by you in any way. You're a good person and, really, that's what counts.
.-= Emilie´s last blog ..http://www.assortedscribbles.org/2010/01/me-and-lefty.html" rel="nofollow">Me and Lefty =-.
Wow...I didn't expect this post from you. So much of what Mike said, I agree wholeheartedly. The church DOES need people like you, ones who are different than the societal expectation of what an LDS woman "should" be. I myself feel a bit out of sorts being back in Utah, and seeing the cliches and expectations of the members I associate with. I also struggle with some of the political stances that the church takes on a "moral" pedestal.
But it all comes down to faith, and the promptings of the spirit. If you've had a confirmation that leaving the church is your path, there's nothing I can say to "reel you back in." I myself teeter in my faith quite often, wondering if it's the right path for me, but I'll get a whisper of the still small voice, and can't deny it.
I wish you the best of enlightenment, wisdom, and conviction. Our friendship will not end here, as I feel that you are a soul sister of sorts. Keep me posted on what your journey of discovery brings you to.
Love,
Nicole
Hi Gabby,
Wow this has come as a shock to me and I only met you on twitter! Unlike some of the ppl who have commented I'm not a Morman but I'm a Christian and a research scientist and the church and science don't seem to go as well together as one would think. My own realisation was that one has to separate faith in God with the church itself (which is highly fallible). I wish you the very best on your journey and will be praying for you and Mr V these coming months and thinking of you. I sincerely hope that people do not feel betrayed or worse still discontinue the friendship (like some ppl did when one my friends came out). Genuine friendships should last regardless of your church member status.
D xx
PS- Re healthcare: I've missed a few of your posts but I can't believe the church is against universal health care. Coming from a country with universal cover (plus an option private cover for extras) it I cannot believe every American is not for it. Can people not see that a country should provide for its people? No need to reply to this but needed to say it!
...Big Sigh.... Hmmmmmmmmm....... there is so much I could say. But all in all I think it's been said. I love you no matter what religion you are. I will enjoy being an audience to your thoughts just as always and I'm sure our opinions will not be the same at times. However that is what you want I think. You don' want friends who are mindless fools. And luckily you have many followers who aren't. I am sure will recieve many comments on Why oh Why would you decide that. Those comments are foolish because it proves they never read your blog it is stated plainly your reasons. I can't imagine how trying this must be for Mr. V. But he loves you and will support you I'm sure. You know Gabrielle, I heard the word "why" alot in your blog explaining your decision. I was just curious what would happen if you switched it to "How".
All the best girly
Bri
...(((HUGS))) always remember...ppl suck, the gospel doesn't...but the ppl do indeed make it hard...most of the questions have been stated the concerns stated...not much more i can say
I usually just lurk on your blog but this time I decided to post a comment.
I made the same decision you made a few years ago for many of the same reasons. My journey has been very enlightening and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I am not now, nor will I ever be anti-mormon because I know that the church works well for a lot of people,like my parents and siblings, it just didn't for me.
If you want to talk more, I think I just left my email in order to write this comment. Feel free to use it!
I am honestly in awe of how brave you are with your blog posts. I have never and will never be as brave as you. Trust me, making silly boob jokes is far easier than what you post.
I have certainty you will find what you are looking for on your journey. I KNOW you will in fact.
.-= Steph´s last blog ..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheDailyBlarg/~3/PD9dsOdCrnM/wordless-wednesday-my-kid-is-pretty-rad.html" rel="nofollow">Wordless Wednesday-My Kid is Pretty Rad Edition =-.
Gabby, I'm sorry you haven't found the peace in the LDS faith that I have. I wish you well on your journey and I hope you find what you're looking for.
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MemoriesForLater/~3/Izlvb7_F4pE/that-time-peter-forgot-to-tell-me-he.html" rel="nofollow">That Time Peter Forgot to Tell Me He Hired a Housecleaner. No I'm Not Kidding. =-.
I just found you here through Main Street Plaza. What a courageous decision (and post!). I left the church 7 years ago and truly felt so much more free and happy after doing so. I'm looking forward to following your journey!
I admire your bravery.
For several years I have struggled with these same questions and very recently started being honest with myself about the answers to them. Deciding to figure things out in my own way, rather than try to fit in the 'tidy mormon box', so called, has brought me more peace than any other decision in my life. The difficult part now is saying that to my family and those I care about. Your post strengthens my resolution and gives me hope.
I don't know much, but I know there is a God and he wants me and you to be happy. And that being nice to everyone isn't too much to ask. I'll figure out the rest as I go along. :)
I look forward to reading your future posts!
I am so sorry to hear about the conflict you've experienced. My prayers (and cheers) will certainly be with you, as you figure out where life is taking you.
.-= Jasmine´s last blog ..http://thebrokins.com/2010/01/07/cloth-diapers-our-adventure-at-terra-tots/" rel="nofollow">Cloth Diapers- Our Adventure at Terra Tots =-.
This is the first post of yours I have read, but honestly, it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting it into words.
I've had many stuggles within the Church as well. I still see it bringing more good into my life than bad, and I've had experiences that have given me a testimony to stick it out.
Mostly, I'm just curious about how your husband is dealing with this. I often wondered if I left the church, how it would affect my marriage. (My husband is actually a convert, I introduced him to it.)
If you don't mind sharing, thanks!
Hello Gabby! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments & the idea about individual blogs for each child. What a great idea! I want you to know that I have 2 sisters, both of whom are no longer "practicing" members of the LDS church, and so I see abolutely no betrayal in your decision. I am truly sorry to read that the faith that has brought me so much joy was not something that you came across. I know that you will find peace in whatever you are looking for and you can continue to count me as a friend.
.-= karen´s last blog ..http://wynderwoman.blogspot.com/2010/01/atlanta-bartlett-hello-there-monday.html" rel="nofollow">round 34 =-.
I'm not surprised. I don't think you were ever really in the Church anyway -- so much of what you believe is incompatible. You would fit better in some new-age-warm-and-fuzzy-feel-good religion.
How is your husband taking it?
Lisa, you and many others prove time and time again that it is NOT ok to think for yourself within the LDS church. I find this member mindset dangerous and more than a little alarming.
"You would fit better in some new-age-warm-and-fuzzy-feel-good religion." Wow. What happened to every member a missionary?
It's become an "us vs them" mentality which is NOT the way the "one true church of Christ" would have had it, if there is a "one true church of Christ". Hence, the LDS church (many churches for that matter) have become almost evil in this sense - focusing more on ritualistic, cultural behaviors rather than true spiritual growth.
And yes, I WAS in the church. Temple recommended. Married in the temple. How quickly you judge. You Christian, you. ; )
Reading through, my advice is to follow what you feel is right. A break may be needed. Honestly the most important thing is that you maintain and strengthen your relationship with God, continue to find out for yourself through prayer who he is to you. Disregard my comment on your other blog post, I had not fully read up on your thoughts.
So my advice is to take this breather and find out for yourself about all this. Good luck.
.-= Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM´s last blog ..http://nanti-sarrmm.blogspot.com/2010/02/missionary-wednesday.html" rel="nofollow">Missionary Wednesday =-.